And now for something completely different.

I had many ideas for where this post could go: other little details about my wedding, embracing the suck of long-distance relationships, dresses...but then I read something so completely disgusting I needed to blog about it. Sorry that it's a little stream-of-consciousness...I wrote it and then figured it was organized enough.

Yesterday I had my last meeting with my student teaching supervisor. I'm still in the classroom until April 28, but now I've done all the paperwork. I've crossed the t's and dotted the i's, and he told me he's very proud of me and highly recommending me to have my own classroom. I was super excited, so I took myself out for dinner (seriously, long distance relationships suck), and brought along a few bridal magazines with me. Yes, I'm basically done with planning, but it's still fun to look at the magazines, and I figure I'm only allowed to do it for six more weeks, so I'll be frivolous and buy the magazines and flip through them. I still get ideas I like every once in a while, plus, I enjoy it, so it's worth it to me!

I was incredibly disappointed to find the following ad in the pages of one of the magazines:

Could this be more disgusting?

Why yes, yes, that DOES say "be your thinnest on your wedding day, come to Scale Solutions!" You get a whole $5 off your first visit, PLUS a free B12 injection. Now, I realize that most bridal magazines have some section or other on how to "tone up fast!" or something like that, and I usually skip that part of the mag, but this...this was absolutely disgusting. I seriously stopped eating, took a picture of this with my phone, and texted about six people about how disgusted I was that this even existed. I bought this particular magazine (Savannah Weddings) because I figured it'd be full of lovely pictures of Southern weddings. Savannah is a gorgeous city, full of history and huge old oak trees with spanish moss. Instead, I got this, and I just couldn't read any more. 

One of my biggest soap box topics (believe me, I have several) is the ridiculous "beauty" standards of this day and age.  A friend of mine wore a shirt once that read "If the definition of beauty gets any thinner, no one will fit." I was so struck by that saying that I googled, found it, and bought it the same day I saw her wearing it. I've always been pretty happy with my body, and pretty confident in my own skin. I attribute some of this to my upbringing, and a lot of it to the time I spent in the north Georgia woods every summer from the time I was seven on up at summer camp. At camp, it's all girls, and it's such a nurturing environment that brings out the best and strongest qualities in women. I'll get to more on that in another post, but I really think that helped me get to where I have been with my view on my body. 

Yes, I do have large calves and thighs--but you know what? They're defined. They're muscular, and they take me places I love, like up mountains to overlook glacier fields in Alaska, down beaches to the ocean, through rivers to see what's on the other side, up the stairs to my apartment. My arms are also muscular, and I have a hard time finding long-sleeve shirts with sleeves that aren't constrictive. Annoying? Yes. But those arms help me carry around large loads, challenge people to push-up contests and have a chance at winning, throw my nephews up in the air when playing. I'm not this perfect body-loving woman by any means, though, so don't fool yourself. I hate that my skin is oily and acne-prone, and I'd rather run around in long pants and a bikini top all day than wear shorts. I do have a part of my body that I just hate and focus on, but it's not something you'd expect: it's my knees. I just have an issue with the way my knees look, so I prefer not to show them. I look at pictures of them and think they're too pointy and weird. That's not the point of this post, though.

I've never been the thinnest person, and that's fine by me. I'm very athletically built; a friend once described me as a "brick wall." Not that I'm all muscle, but I have very muscular (and therefore large) legs and arms. I grew up with a model for a best friend, so of course I had my moments (especially in middle and high school) of thinking that I wasn't small enough, but those moments weren't the norm. When I was growing up, advertisements showing relatively thin women were the norm; supermodels were regular looking people, just maybe size four or six. These days, it's a different story. Models are not thin or thinner, but thinnest, and people are photoshopping the heck out of print ads to make people seem smaller. In this world, thin is the only acceptable thing, it seems, or that's what's projected by the media. Every day you can read or hear about new diets, new "super" whatevers, be they fruits, vegetables, whatever, that will help you lose weight and reveal the new you! Empires have been made helping people lose weight, a la Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach, Special K, Slim Fast...it's insane. Being healthy is one thing; being obsessive about being skinny is another. 

Here's a story for you: I've always hovered around 155 pounds in my adult life (I know, dear God! A woman telling people her weight--and on the INTERNET!), with the exception of one time. Junior year of college I was unceremoniously dumped by the boy I was dating for another girl. This threw me into an emotional turmoil that turned into a depression that manifested itself in the form of a complete loss of appetite. I think I ate only cereal and ice cream, and not much of either, for two or three weeks. I lost probably ten to fifteen pounds without meaning or wanting to. People started complimenting me left and right and saying things like "Wow, you look amazing!" Even my mom got into it during Thanksgiving break, telling me she was proud of all the "hard work" I'd done. I couldn't bring myself to correct her, but I did correct other students at school. When one girl told me how great I looked and asked me how I lost the weight, I told her, "Oh, you know, got depressed and basically didn't eat for three weeks. Thanks for contributing to eating disorders!" I was annoyed by peoples' compliments: after all, if I looked so great and amazing now, what the heck did I look like before? Crap? I look back at pictures from that time at Sewanee and am kind of terrified of how I looked. I was so skinny for me, and I didn't like it at all. I relished getting back to my normal weight, but understood how all the attention one gets for losing weight could cause someone to continue to try to do so and to think that skinny is all that makes up beautiful.

See? Scary-skinny. I'm the brunette. The blonde is my Lady of Honor, Hannah. :) 

Women are more pressured than men to be "beautiful" in general, and the pressure is really piled on before one's wedding. After all, everyone will be looking at YOU and YOU ALONE ALL DAY! Nobody pays attention to ANYTHING ELSE at weddings, and God forbid your teeth aren't scary Hollywood white, or you have one hair out of place, your mascara runs when you cry, you have a zit, or a little bit of arm jiggle. That is just UNACCEPTABLE. I've heard of people breaking bones trying to get "in shape" for their wedding. There is no reason to put so much pressure on yourself to be "perfect!" It annoys the snot out of me, and I wish body acceptance was the message being put out there, not "you can never be too thin or tan or too made up or have your teeth too white!" 

Not that I've been completely non-affected by the hype during my wedding planning; I have had moments where I think "wow, I shouldn't eat this cookie; I have to wear a wedding dress!" (Though I usually eat it anyway).  What I haven't been doing, though, is obsessing (for example, last night, as I was disgusted by that add, I'd eaten my way through two tacos and most of a bowl of cheese dip by myself, without guilt!). I exercise when I have time and feel like it, but I'm not going to push myself, especially when student teaching is so stressful and tiring. I have been somewhat watching what I'm eating, and I have lost a little weight since January, but I attribute most of this to the fact that I've been wandering around a classroom all day instead of sitting on my couch snacking, which is what I would have done if I didn't have student teaching. My wedding dress is supposed to ship from the designer this Friday, so I should have my first fitting next week. I do, of course, worry about whether the dress will fit me--after all, I ordered it over four months ago, and that's a long time. Once I see that it does, though (and I'm sure it will, despite my worries), I'll relax even more about it. 

Me and my very pale skin and my wacky knees in September, ready to go hiking with Cat (a bridesmaid) and Hannah (my lady of honor)

Instead of magazines showing you what dress to buy to cover your "thunder thighs" or "pear shape" or "big stomach" or what have you, show people what dresses to buy if they love their awesome arms, or to show off shoulders they love or calves or what have you. Find a way to make the message more positive. Because you know what? Though many in the industry would like for us to believe so, ladies, your wedding day is NOT about being your thinnest or having your whitest smile ever or having perfect hair and makeup. It's not even that much about YOU. It's about the amazing commitment you're making to your soulmate and best friend, and it's about the friends and family that you love who are surrounding you on that day. So please, let's drop the thinnest, whitest, tannest mess and focus on what REALLY counts: love and a life-long commitment.